i couldn't begin to compose.

you sat in the chair
i sat on the floor to wash your feet.
the blood streamed from my hands
like rubies falling on the concrete.
the ships took down their sails,
the white fell like you from grace.
people gathered under a same tent
because they didn't know what to do but congregate.

soak wash rinse scrub rinse
repeat
repeat
repeat.

i told them to bury him with his rachet,
only the finest things,
and not to touch his tousled hair because
all good things are wild and free.
but, i was stopped by a meek little voice
coming from the smallest of persons in the crowd
that told me 'i'm sorry,
but sweet mr. thomas is already in the ground.'
'but, but..
i didn't even get to say goodbye!
how could you? TELL ME
where do i find his graveside?'

soak wash rinse scrub rinse
repeat
repeat
repeat.

oh, what a horrible mound of dirt
to hover over both of our heads
like a life size storm cloud
that rains hot tears of red.
i dig and dig and dig
until the truth i finally see
that there is nothing,
nothing but an empty abyss where you should be.

soak wash rinse scrub rinse
repeat
repeat
repeat.

whats the sense in washing when, in the end, there are fishnet shoes on your feet!

real life vs. what should've been.

stick flowers in your mouth!
do anything to keep from saying what you did.
you fool, you goon,
you gave up entirely too soon.
or maybe this space ship never took off.
what if this is all in my head?
what if i wake up tomorrow and don't remember a thing?
with octopus hair
and zombie eyes
and it's not even 2009?
i cannot pass this road once again.
i shall turn away and say
'i have seen where this leads,
and i would finally like to have a day that exceeds
the low expectations i keep,
and see what's ahead for me.'
excuse my selfishness,
but karen wouldn't be pleased if i kept up this way.

best unsaid.

i wanted you to see

how many flowers i planted for you, all the lillies!

in my garden that i breathed for you --

gently.

you can stop holding your breath now.

you can stop holding onto your breath--

and every thread of violet that is clinging to your heaving chest.

the rain!

the rain that streamed down the side of the

fish bowl,

mirrored the way i felt today

and caused me to rub my itching eyes,

leaving not humanly windows, but gaping black holes.

would you discount me

as one of the sorcerers that bewitched your mortal soul?

you beast.

i had nothing to do with your silencing.

you had every moment at the foot of your doorstep

but you watched the rain-fall instead.

the heat in this car--

the fire in your closed lips--

it's stife-l-ing.

but you breathe so cooly.

icicles shoot out of your mouth like lightning from zeus' house,

and what is there to do but weep?

for you? for me?

oh, how sad that people yield at the sight of you.

you mongrel.

you beast.

???

dear all, 

watch me do summersaults! 

watch the wrinkling man cry,

watch palm sized babies die.

eat leaves and eat berries.

eat your words like they are magic fairies.

stand in the rain,

sit on the tracks of a train.

follow, don't think.

SPEAK!

birds don't break their wings for nothing

flightless is simply settling.

f-ing weird.

untitled.

i had something really good to say,
but the storm rolled in and the wind blew it away.
i sat here yesterday
and the day before that, and the day before that...
i can hear the thumping pulse of your heart
leaping out, ready for its life to start,
ready to be on its own and apart
of something better than the life of a bricklayer.
but if you saw the way the sun danced to please
and heard the sweet sounds composed by the trees,
you, too, would weep at their melodies
and stay inside, because they bend over backwards for her.
i know that if i might have had glowing eyes
that were bluer and bigger than the Alaskan sky,
this wouldn't be a lie!
and you wouldn't have to grin like a howling mule.
don'tletthemonstersgetyouwhenyou'redown.

cement handprint.

oh, who knows what that crazy girl is doing
plucking out each eye, lash by lash.
'she's crazy, you know!
nose always in a book,
her only company is the cello,
and i swear, her eyes are indigo!'
who's ever seen indigo eyes??
maMA, what if the kids at school don't like me?

cinderella dressed in yella
went upstairs to kiss her fella
oh, but he was no where to be found.
he had wrapped himself in a blanket and absorbed into the corner wall,
growing so very small,
in hopes she might forget him.
but poor cinderella could only sing her days away
of the man she wanted to save,
and never forgot him at all.

nightmares.

i dreamt of you last night.
you wore a beautiful white dress, that hugged your hips and hung at your knees, and the beautiful lace design that laid upon your chest, crawled up your neck and illuminated your beautiful narrow shoulders. and as you grabbed my hand so tightly and smiled as if to convey it was so good to see me!, i noticed your glowing blue eyes. they took my breath away. your eyes glittered as if composed of tiny blue diamonds and the sun that washed softly over your head and shoulders caught each one, making your shimmering eyes pop out of your head. your red hair was pinned back by gardenias, and we talked and i couldn't believe how many times you squeezed my hand and how irrevocably glad it made me. the sun lit up the room because there was no roof above our heads. you walked away and i tried to take a picture of a rainbow, but every time i missed and could not capture the beautiful scene of the purple flowers that sprouted from the green grass to lay against the blue sky with the rainbow spread above. even still, the day smiled at your beauty. the flowers would have wilted and the rainbow would have bent had you graced your presence past them. the sky held no candle to your eyes, and when i awoke, i was weeping.

stand still, march.

did you see the look on their faces?
it was something of complete dumbfoundedness.
and they all looked the same!

i swear, you'll be okay.
what a waste of seventy thousand flashes and a new toothbrush.