WHY DON'T YOU MISS ME

If you do something for the right reason, you will benefit in the end.

"And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know"

What have I become?

If this is what humanity is, I am not sure I want to be a part of it.

A human can commit such monstrosities against a fellow human being, and what is the difference between that person and me? We are all the same; essentially one giant bully, and his sins are my sins. I carry the weight of your wrong-doings, because I am a human, as well, and am capable of the exact same things. We are all that man slitting his wife's throat, the cheating liars, the thieves with no remorse. Because, if you take a step back and look at this place from a far, you can't tell a difference between my face and yours. My heart aches, but so does her's. I am no different than the beggar, and neither are you. He was capable of all of these disgusting things, but I am him, so, so am i.

If this is what humanity is, I am not sure I want to be a part of it.
I'm not into selfishness and cruelty.

What they think.

What a sad girl she must be to only write these invisible stutterings.
(She must think they mean anything!)

Automatic, numbing

Tonight is quiet.
I am sitting still, breathing.



In.



And out.



I do not feel the blood flowing through me.



I know that this is no means,
for there is no end to ever be seen.
I know that these letters do not mean anything.
Jumbled, put together; they are nothing.
This is obscene!
My hair is turning sea-weed green.
I am turning into something noticeably unclean.
No one can stop now the automatic, numbing machine.

"But, darling, death will have to pry my fingers loose."

When you don't have much, it is so easy and right to lean on God. It is when we over-indulge and collect these objects to create a worldly security net that we lose sight of what is essential.

Sometimes, I wake up and cannot fall back asleep.
The nightmares are too often and too mean.

You're a giant prick!









Notice it's you'RE, not YOUR.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Some do not add up to a human caliber;
and people are stupid.


I know this now.

Miracle

I met a boy, he wore a seatbelt
He kissed my cheek in the back seat
We played basketball his girl cousins
Played too in Germaine

I'll be your girl
I'll be your boy

But Victor he was my first man
He didn't have any money
So I paid for his movie
Viva lost childhood

Be my boy forever
And I'll be your girl
I'll be your boy

Tempt the werewolf not to run

And the heart is dumb and the heart is blind
But I think you'll find that the lord is kind
....



And tempt the werewolf not to run;
Tempt the werewolf not to run.

I have merely floated through these months.
Nay, crawled, is a better word.
I have only crawled through these torturous days, that feel like one never-ending, blurred together one.

In hindsight, I guess I was wrong.
But, it doesn't matter anyway, right?

THE WOMAN BLEEDING.

Hatred:

noun
the feeling of one who hates; intense dislike or extreme aversion or hostility

Synonyms: animosity, detestation, loathing, abomination.
Antonyms: attraction, love.


"There is absolutely no part of me that wants to be with you."

OUCH.

Oh god, I don't want to do this.

Only fools lift their feet.

When nothing makes anything better,
how do you keep going?
How do you drag yourself
through every horrible moment,
all the while wanting to just lay down and never get up.

untitled (because i don't care)

I never made friends easily.
Contrary to popular belief,
I really don't like being me
and all I ever wanted was
your love for me to last eternally.

I know this world is an ugly place;
there's not enough love to fill this giant space
between my heart and yours.
But you didn't have to make your grand escape
so sneakily. You could've just waved goodbye,
and sent me on my dreadful way.

I know it's a bigger removal that you are wanting.
I know my heart is three times smaller, and this place, daunting.
I never wanted to be your haunting,
never wanted to be just a part of your story.
I was never into selfish glory.


I'm either forgotten or omitted.

I'm sorry I'm too much to explain now;
too much to even mention about.

I am so small.
I know this.
You stepped over my bloody body,
and continued walking down the street.


It wasn't supposed to be this way.
These pages weren't meant to be left blank.