it's all wrong

sometimes i feel like everything is wrong.
and i want to tell you
i want to tell you how i feel like this is fake
and how i think about it a lot
and what went wrong last night
and how i wish that i could've called you.
i wish you would have been alright with me calling you

but the game was on
and your friends were there
and you wouldn't have approved.
which i get,
but it is me.
it is a part of who i am
for better and all the worse
i need you to respond to it.


i think about it a lot.
like tonight
i almost called to say, hey
this isn't what it was
i'm sorry
and goodbye.
but i stopped myself
for many reasons, which will go unspoken
but not under the radar
for i still see them.
they still radiate
and i still called him.

he was there.
he made me feel okay
and he was my comfort.
and he saved me from you, by being who he is
and i think this is over.

how long should i keep up the charade?
is it all going to be worth it in the end;
is anything worth it in the end?

"I don't care."

you've said it on more occasions than one
how you just don't care
and how you like it
and then you say no more.
no opinion to share
no scolding
no protecting advise for my well being
no wisdom.
no wisdom comes from your eyes
only visions of objects
to play with
and nothing more.
once they are put aside, your thoughts are elsewhere
of other things
because you "don't care".


this is when i feel that everything is all wrong.
nothing is in it's right place.
where did all of it come from?
and just like that
life is all wrong.