You never knew anything that happened. I know you hated being compared, but the reality is that that is it all I had to compare you to. In hindsight, you are incomparable. You are good. You are kind. I understand that you feel like you have to prove yourself, but not to me. I wish I had told you more, because then I think you may have understood. Maybe not, but at least we would have had the chance. Here is my explanation:
I was broken. I was so used to someone lying to me that I couldn't accept the truth. I know that was hard and frustrating, but I just couldn't let it go while I was with you. I can't think of anything else to say other than I miss your laughter. I miss your spirit and your kindness. I miss the way you think and I miss laying next to you on Sundays when you did your crossword puzzles. I miss your mind. I miss your charitableness. I wish I had met your family. I was too nervous and anxious and young to ever do so. I'm sure they're incredibly kind, just as you describe them.
I will change. I have changed. If there is ever a part of you that wants to try again, please allow me to make it up to you. I am not so young and naive as I was last time. I am not so dumb and selfish. I have seen you, unrelated to me, and I know that you are good.
Please tell me if you read this. I'm sorry I am too cowardly to say this aloud.
I love you.
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