an honor commending your efforts in the war.

this is not who i want to be.
i wish i was much stronger,
self dependent, independent from all things, including myself.
i wish i was much more diligent.
more understated.
more deliberately vague.
how do i not fit here?
why can i not be small enough to be the missing piece,
the one that completes the puzzle and
cracks the code?
why can i not be your skeleton key?

your blacker than black hair distracts brown eyes
from seeing what thoughts are truly thought underneath.
and your shifting eyes keep from lingering for too long
over anyone
or anything
escaping probing fingers, digging to find what's beneath.
WHAT IS YOUR HAPPINESS?
you like to run,
you like the sun,
you surround yourself with fun.
but i take things slow,
and i like the snow,
and i have less fun than i let show.
not really. this could all change if only
things would
f
a
l
l
into place.
come on, spaceman.
i'm keeping you too down to earth.
i understand now why you need a change of pace.
but you can't fly to space
just because you like the suits they wear
or because she's down here
and you'd be up there.
just because you're five thousand feet closer
doesn't mean the stars will aline.
everything looks perfect from far away so you may find
that the star you've chased after for so long
explodes in front of your eyes and everything you've ever hoped for dies.