i am going to drive myself crazy with how often i look at you.
i know.
no, i don't have high cheek bones
or a slouchy hunter greent jacket
that buttons in the front with a grey patterned shirt to wear underneath.
nor can i lay on a couch comfortably, at ease.
i cannot run as fast as you.
i cannot laugh like you do.
i do not know how to carry myself anymore because
i analyze every move i make according to you.
i often feel like throwing up,
because it makes me sick to know it will never be.
i will never have a brother,
i will never have a number of troubles,
i will never switch rooms,
nor have a mirror for a wall to do make up in front of.
i will only ever have the thoughts inside my head
that spin out of control but never to anyone else
other than the three me's inside.
i will never go to hawaii and not tend to my phone.
it's just not me.
and i'm going to drive myself crazy
until i have become what i want to be.
it's sickening.
don't take this or anything too seriously.
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